


All I need

by Morgana_avalon



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 14:39:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18368078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Spencer Reid doesn't want to attend a reunion cause he has no date.





	All I need

All I need

 

Part 1

Emily wondered about the odd expression on Reid’s face. Lately, she had found herself watching him. The odd combination of knowledge and a surprising innocence that clung to the young man had made her wonder; wonder about the man behind the mask. 

Reid turned his head toward her and gave her an equally puzzled look. “What?” he said, rather uncharacteristically. Normally he would put his question more eloquently to her, but reaction showed his surprise at being watched that closely.

“You just threw an invitation into the waste basket, why?” The truth was that she wanted to help Reid, who more often than not had difficulty figuring out the rules to leading a successful social life. 

“Because I am not going? That sounds like a very plausible explanation to me.”

Emily’s instincts, which seldom failed her, made her dig deeper. “Why aren’t you going? Someone sent you that invitation because they care and want you there.” Reid’s eyes widened marginally and she only caught it because she knew him so well. “You don’t seem to believe that’s the case.”

“It is an invitation to attend my high school’s reunion and I am certain that they will have a perfectly fine evening without me attending it.”

Emily didn’t buy the explanation though. “And now give me the real reason, Reid.” Reid often pretended that he didn’t want to discuss any personal matters, but once she dug deeper, he often opened up – just a little. 

Reid averted his gaze and searched the bull pen to see who was present – who could listen in on their conversation—who presented a threat. Apparently satisfied that any secrets which he might want to divulge were safe, he wheeled his chair closer to Emily’s desk.

Emily waited patiently, knowing better than to pressure Reid. The younger man needed time to remember he trusted her.

“As you might realize I wasn’t very popular at school and at fourteen I was an easy target. I don’t have any fond memories of that time and I don’t want to give my old nemesis a chance to humiliate me any further.”

Emily prided herself on being a hardened agent. She had been through much in her life and had seen a lot of misery, but for some reason seeing Reid in such obvious discomfort was difficult to bear. “Think of it as a chance to get even with them. Get some revenge,” she said, wanting Reid to rise above those ugly memories and to conquer the demons of his teen years.

Reid, however, merely gave her a wistful smile that spoke of self-hatred and an accepting sadness. “And how do you suggest I accomplish that?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Kick their asses!” That was something she would do, but truth be told, she couldn’t see Reid do that.

Reid checked his surroundings again before whispering, “Alexa Lisbon and Harper Hillman were the meanest, but also the prettiest girls in my school… Look at me, do you seriously think that I will impress them today? I know what I look like… You know the stuttering fool I become when talking to girls and you want me to confront them? I beg to differ.”

Emily couldn’t help swallowing hard, trying to rid herself of the emotions that threatened to choke her up. She moved her chair closer to Reid and studied him. “Reid, you look fine. There’s nothing wrong with the way you look.” His eyes widened again, this time a little bit more than the first time around. “The long hair looks good on you and you have stunning eyes…” She highly doubted anyone had ever complimented Reid in that way before, judging by the blush that started to spread across the young man’s face. “Seriously, Reid, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“That’s nice of you to say, but…”

Reid looked away as he obviously didn’t believe her. It shouldn’t surprise her, but it still did. “Reid, you are no longer that fourteen year old boy they bullied. You can stand up to them.”

“Maybe,” Reid admitted, but grudgingly. 

“But there’s more,” Emily said as she nodded. “Tell me.”

Reid shrugged. “I’d need a date… They always said that no one would ever want to date me and if I arrived alone, then…”

He didn’t need to finish as Emily understood perfectly. She couldn’t believe she was going to say this, but then again, it would hardly be a sacrifice. “If you want me to accompany you, I will. I will put on my sexiest cocktail dress and wear those high heels I hate.” She meant it; she would play the part and not because she pitied him, but because he was a good friend and she loved him in her very own way. Reid seemed to shrink in his chair, but then he took heart and sought out her gaze. Emily gave him a reassuring smile and said, “I’m serious. I would love to be your date for that evening…”

“So you can kick their asses?” Reid said, normally staying away from such phrasing, but he was only quoting Emily, so in that case, such language was allowed. 

Emily chuckled. “Yes…” She leaned in closer, covered his hand with hers and squeezed slightly. “And I would love to get even with them.”

“I feel flattered,” Reid whispered, his blush still deepening, “but I am afraid it won’t work. And that’s not your fault…”

“Why?” She rubbed his fingers, hoping it soothed him. She disliked seeing him insecure and upset, so obviously doubting himself.

Reid coughed, peeked at her, and then avoided her gaze again. “Because I am bad at acting.”

Emily continued to smile reassuringly. “I’ll do most of the work. Trust me, they’ll believe that I’m madly in love with you.” She was good at acting, always had been.

“I don’t doubt your abilities,” Reid said, still in that whispering voice. “But I would utterly embarrass you…”

“What is wrong? What aren’t you telling me?” Emily had the feeling that Reid was considering confiding in her and thus about to show her a part of himself he always kept hidden. 

“The truth is,” Reid started, “that Alexa and Harper know that I am not attracted to women. They won’t believe that we’re dating.” His gaze quickly danced away and his shoulders slumped forward, as if expecting rejection.

“You’re gay?” Emily wasn’t surprised, not really. She’d had her suspicions for a long time and knew she wasn’t the only one on the team. “That’s fine with me, Spencer.” She used his first name on purpose, hoping it would tell him that she really cared about him. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.” Her heart ached at seeing the look Reid gave her. She could tell that he hadn’t expected her to be so accepting. 

“Are you certain about that?”

“Reid,” she started, but then added, “Spencer, I’m totally fine with that. This doesn’t change anything between us. We’re still friends.” She arched an eyebrow as an interesting idea came to her. 

Correctly interpreting her dirty grin, Reid grew worried. It helped that Emily was still holding his hand. The touch grounded him and he needed that now that he was opening up to her. “I don’t want to know what you’re thinking, do I?” Sometimes Emily scared him.

Emily patted his hand. “This development merely means we need to adjust our original plan.” Reid’s expression told her that he hadn’t figured it out yet. Reid was incredibly intelligent, but when it came down to dating, boyfriends, and matters of the heart, he was totally ignorant. “We merely need to find you the right boyfriend.” The way Reid stared at her made her laugh. She knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t help herself. 

“No,” Reid said, still fighting shock. “No, you are not going to do that. Do you hear me? You are not going to set up me up with someone.”

“Oh don’t worry, Reid,” she said and chuckled. “I’ll set you up with someone good.” And she already knew who was the perfect date for Reid. She ignored Reid’s shocked ramblings as he continued to convince her to abandon her plans. She continued to grin. Yes, her plan would work. She was certain of that!

```

The moment he got home, he shrugged out of his jacket and placed his bag onto a chair. Emily couldn’t be serious about setting him up. First off, he doubted anyone would be mad enough to be willing to make a fool out of himself by accompanying him to that reunion, and secondly, the mere thought of having to attend that reunion made him feel queasy. He would rather face a serial killer than confront Harper Hillman and Alexa Lisbon. 

He collapsed onto his couch, rested the back of his head against its comfort, and closed his eyes. For heaven’s sake, what had made him confide in Emily? Why had he told her he was gay? He hadn’t expected her to shun him or make him feel ashamed, but the way she had reacted, so clearly enthusiastic, had surprised him. 

“I need to relax,” he told himself, “Emily won’t be able to find anyone insane enough to tag along. I don’t need to worry about this. The matter will resolve itself. A case will come up, she will forget we ever had that conversation, and life will continue as usual.”

Life… He opened his eyes again when certain memories assaulted him. Lately he had found it hard to forget about the dead – the victims they had been unable to save and the men who had murdered them. At night the dead haunted his dreams in the form of nightmares and during the day he was reminded of their presence because of his lack of sleep. He couldn’t escape his fate, it seemed.

The last thing on his mind was going to bed and toss and turn all night. Waking up because of the severe nightmares and realizing he bathed in cold sweat. But he knew he needed the rest – even if it would only last a few minutes before the nightmares would start to torment him. 

Since he was too tired to bother to undress, he got to his feet, made his way over to his bed, and sat down. He let himself fall backward, grabbed the comforter and wrapped himself into the soft fabric. At times like this he missed the comforting presence of his mother. She might be mentally ill, but her love had always secured him with a safe haven. 

He closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath, and willed himself to relax. He had to let go of his troubled thoughts or he wouldn’t get those precious few minutes of sleep tonight. 

It was to no avail though – he was deadly tired, but his mind was still wide awake, showing him details of the cases they had last worked on. No matter what he did, he couldn’t bring his thoughts to a stop and they continued to spiral madly – ending, as they always with did, with Tobias resuscitating him – bringing him back to life. 

The sudden ringing of his cell phone should have startled him, but it didn’t. It provided him with a distraction, and although he hoped he wasn’t being called in for a new case, he did hope that it was a team member calling him. Reid managed to untangle himself from the comforter and shuffled back into the living room, where he retrieved his cell from his bag. “Reid here.” The caller ID had already alerted him that it was Morgan calling him, so this was probably related to a new case. 

“Reid, why didn’t you tell me?”

He blinked in surprise and wondered what his friend was referring to. “Why didn’t I tell you what exactly?” He needed more data if he wanted to answer Morgan’s question. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about the reunion? The invitation you got?”

“Ah that…” Somehow he managed to sound calm, though he felt upset on the inside. Why had Emily told Morgan about the invitation? “It must have slipped my mind.”

“Nothing slips your mind, Reid… Be honest with me here.”

That was a major drawback, as far as Reid was concerned – the fact that they knew each other that well. It was practically impossible to lie to one of the team-members or pretend ignorance. It was that way when you worked together that intimately. “Truly, it slipped my mind.” It was a lame excuse, but the only one he could come up with. 

“You could have asked me, you know…”

Morgan’s statement stunned Reid. His eyes widened and he actually felt speechless. Morgan had expected him to ask him? But why? Yes, they had shared childhood experiences not so long ago, and Morgan knew what Harper and Alexa had done to him, but he hadn’t thought Morgan would therefore feel obligated to help him. “Seriously, Morgan… I’m not attending that reunion so what would be the point in asking you to come along?”

“Why aren’t you going, kid?”

Reid laughed, but failed to suppress the bitterness audible in it. “Morgan, why would I willingly humiliate myself again? They did a pretty good job of that in the past. No need to help them repeat the performance!” 

“It wouldn’t be that way, Reid. You’re older now… You’re an FBI-agent…”

“That doesn’t matter, does it? I am still the nerd they tied to that flagpole…” He wanted to stop talking right there, but for some reason, the real reason slipped out. “Morgan, I don’t even have a date… They always said I wouldn’t be able to ‘score’ as they put it…”

“Ah…” Morgan paused for a moment, “Emily told me that she offered to be your date for the evening, but you declined.”

Reid swallowed hard, disliking the direction their conversation was taking. “That is correct.” He had to lure Morgan away from their current topic as he didn’t want his friend to dig deeper into why he had declined Emily’s offer. “But as I mentioned earlier, I am not going so…”

Morgan however cut him short. “She told me you’re gay and that’s the reason you won’t be able to pull it off….”

Damn… Why had Emily told him that? He had told her in private! But then again, nothing remained private for long – not amongst team-members. “She had no right to divulge that information to you.” He hated the way he sounded – spiteful. It wasn’t the way he felt. He felt lost now that Morgan knew about his sexual orientation. He had wanted to keep that secret for as long as possible – preferably his whole life! 

“Can’t say I’m surprised, kid,” Morgan said. “I always thought you were either bi or gay…”

“What?” Reid dropped onto the couch and wondered about the absurdity of the situation. “And you are telling me this because….?”

“Because I want you to know that I’m fine with that, Reid… I don’t have any problems with that and neither does the rest of the team… You don’t have to hide.”

Reid shook his head ever so slightly. Was there a possibility that he had fallen asleep after all and that this was a new type of nightmare? He pinched his arm to make sure. All right he had felt that, so he could rule out being asleep. “Morgan, it’s two o’clock in the morning and I really need to get some sleep.” Maybe that would convince Morgan to let the matter rest. 

“You can go to sleep after you told me when I need to pick you up.”

“Pick me up?” Was his brain malfunctioning? Had he missed important information or was Morgan being cryptic for a reason? “We got a new case then?”

“No, no new case, Sherlock. But I need to know what day and time to pick you up for our date… We’re attending that reunion…”

Reid felt like he had just entered the twilight zone – and there was no Doctor Who around to rescue him. “I don’t understand…” he whispered, feeling miserable.

“Let me spell it out for you then, kid. We’re attending that reunion and I’ll be your date that evening. I’ll make sure Alexa Lisbon and Harper Hillman will never make any condescending remarks about you again.”

“Did you lose your mind?” It was the only conclusion he could reach, but then he realized something else. “You remembered their names.” He hadn’t thought that Morgan had paid his story that much attention. 

“They bullied you, Reid… They made it personal… Of course I remember their names, and even if you don’t want to get even with them, I do.”

Reid frowned. “But why?” Why did Morgan care that much? Why did his friend want to avenge him? Because that was practically what Morgan was saying. 

“As I said, they made it personal by picking on you.”

“You didn’t even know me back then… What does it matter to you what happened to me?”

“I know you now, Reid… And it matters… It matters a lot.”

Reid moistened his lips, feeling oddly nervous. He could give his friends facts and statistics whenever they asked for it, and when they didn’t, but the truth was that he didn’t know how to react to this development. “Morgan, you don’t need to do this… Matters might get ugly that evening and I don’t want you caught up in the middle of it.”

“You’re right – things will get ugly – but for them, not for you… So tell me, when do you want me to show up at your place? What day? What time?”

It looked like Morgan was determined to do this, but Reid wasn’t sure he should agree to it. An evening like that would end in humiliation and he didn’t want Morgan to witness that, or even worse, be at the receiving end himself. 

“Reid, if you don’t tell me, I’ll ask Emily and she’ll tell me. I’ll ask her to rescue that invitation out of your waste basket.”

“That’s a low shot…” And even if the cleaners had emptied that basket, and Emily came up empty, Morgan would doubtlessly enlist Garcia’s help to find out more about that reunion.

“Don’t be like that, kid… Let’s get even with them!”

Reid sighed. “This will end badly.” He didn’t want to add more humiliation at their hands to his list, but he also knew Morgan well enough to realize that his friend wouldn’t accept no for answer. “Sunday… eight o’clock.”

“That’s when the show starts?”

In spite of his misery, Reid found himself chuckling softly. “Yes, it is.”

“I’ll be at your place at eight. Let’s be fashionably late…” 

Reid however wasn’t so sure about that. “Is that the smart thing to do? If we show up early, we can leave early…” He didn’t plan on staying for long. 

“Trust me on this… We don’t want to show up early… What will you wear?”

Reid blinked. “I have no idea…” Why was Morgan asking him that? 

“We want to look like a couple, don’t we?”

“We do?” Reid echoed, his voice mirroring his surprise. 

“Dark colors suit you… maybe you should wear black… “

“I haven’t given that matter any thought yet…” And why would he have, considering the fact that he had intended to stay at home?

“And no tidying up your hair… let it run wild…” Morgan chuckled. “It looks good on you that way… No tucking behind the ears.”

Reid’s eyes widened once more. Morgan thought that looked good on him? He wasn’t used to receiving compliments, and certainly not compliments of a personal nature. He blushed and felt immensely grateful that Morgan couldn’t see it. 

“Get some sleep, kid… We’ll talk some more tomorrow after work.”

Reid heard Morgan yawn through the phone, and feeling encouraged after their personal conversation, he felt daring enough to ask, “You think you can sleep then?” He knew he didn’t have to spell it out to the other man who was an excellent profiler. 

“Are the nightmares back?” Morgan asked promptly, living up to Reid’s expectations. 

“Unfortunately,” now that he had hinted at sleeping badly, he couldn’t renounce it. “I’m afraid to close my eyes,” he added in a barely audible voice. 

Morgan sighed audibly. “Try to remember the ones we saved, Reid… Hang on to the fact that people survived because we found the killer… That makes it worth it.” 

“Hum…” Reid whispered into the phone. He had tried that line of thought, but hadn’t it found it helpful in the past.

“Anyone in particular making it hard for you to sleep?”

Reid chewed on his bottom lip while mentally debating whether telling Morgan the truth or lie. 

“You can tell me… You know that….” Morgan tried to reassure him.

“Yes, I know that…” Reid repeated while trying to reach a decision. “It’s Tobias…” he admitted eventually. “I can’t get him out of my thoughts…”

“Makes sense… He had you for days and tortured you… Hell, he killed you…”

“Yes, that too…”

“Reid, do you want me to come over so we can talk in person? This isn’t something to discuss over the phone.”

The offer was genuine, Reid knew that, but he felt bad for infringing on his friend’s time and privacy. “No, I will be fine… No need for you to hurry over here…”

“Kid, hearing you say that tells me that I do need to talk to you in person… I’ll be with you in twenty…”

“Morgan, you don’t need to do this!” Why had he told Morgan in the first place? “I am fine… I will grab a book and read myself to sleep…”

“That won’t work and you know it… You tried it… and so did I…”

Morgan – unfortunately – was right. Reading himself to sleep had never worked in the past. It had never kept the nightmares at bay. “That doesn’t mean you need to rush over here and…”

“I’m leaving right now… I’ll see you in twenty… I do hope I got your address stored somewhere… Ah, there it is! Reid, I’m hanging up now, but I’ll be with you soon…”

Reid shook his head, blaming himself for the predicament he found himself in. He wouldn’t be able to stop Morgan now. “I’ll tell the doorman to let you in.”

“Fine… See you soon, kid.”

Reid dropped the phone and quickly scanned his apartment. He had tidied up the other day so it looked passable… Nothing to be ashamed off – at least, he hoped so!

```

When the doorbell rang, Reid literally jumped up from the couch. Until that moment he hadn’t realized how on edge he was. He made his way over to the door, peeked through the peek-hole out of habit, and only then stepped away from the door in order to open it. It was Morgan all right, and the first thing Reid noticed was the go-bag he carried. So Morgan planned to stay for the rest of the night instead of heading home again. Reid took another step away from the door, creating space for Morgan to step into his apartment. It was the first time ever one of the team visited him.

Morgan smiled, accepted the invitation, and stepped into the room, all the while curiously looking about. “I must admit I always wondered what your place would look like.” The first thing Morgan noticed were the colorfully painted walls. No white walls in sight and he had a pretty good idea why. The living room was a pleasing mix of browns, greens, and a soft beige. The kitchen sported yellow nuances and he could only guess about the bedroom. “Looking fine,” he said upon noticing the worried expression in his friend’s eyes. Only Reid would worry about someone’s opinion regarding his home. 

Reid merely nodded; he didn’t verbally comment and Morgan didn’t push him. “I knew you would have a large collection of books.” Everywhere were bookcases, which were filled to the rim. “Did you read all those?” he asked, pointing at the books.

“Most of them, yes,” Reid admitted. He felt distinctively awkward now that Morgan was here. “You didn’t have to rush here,” he repeated as he needed to break the silence which started to feel suffocating to him.

“Hey, you’re a friend, Reid… And not just any friend…”

Morgan was a tactile guy so it didn’t really surprise Reid when the other agent rested a hand on his shoulder. He stopped himself from flinching away, wishing he could accept such contact more easily. Instead, he wanted to jump away. The fact was that he wasn’t used to such a casual touch – even though he had become better at accepting them throughout the years.

“Do you want to talk or go to sleep?” 

Reid appreciated the fact that Morgan gave him a choice. Unfortunately he felt too ashamed to discuss his nightmares, but going to bed to get some sleep wouldn’t work either. He would probably end up waking Morgan. In the end, he settled for shrugging.

Morgan chuckled softly. “Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, “ he said and wiggled an eyebrow suggestively, “I’ll do the same and then we’ll talk in bed.”

“In bed?” Reid stared at his friend in shock. Had Morgan really said they would talk in bed?

“We’re supposed to pass for boyfriends in two days, so we had better get used to sleeping in the same bed,” Morgan said and wiggled his eyebrow again. 

Reid mentally kicked himself for telling Morgan so many personal details. He should have cut Morgan short at the phone and simply hung up on him. “Ah yes, about that…. We don’t need to go…”

“Yes, we do and now stop protesting… Get ready for bed….”

Reid wasn’t sure what to make of the gesture when Morgan turned him around and started shoving him out of the living room. He was moving him into the right direction though—his bedroom was over there.

“Nice,” Morgan commented upon seeing Reid’s bedroom. “I like the red walls…”

Reid lowered his gaze and stared at the floor. He had painted the walls red because he couldn’t have lived with white walls, which would have constantly reminded him of a hospital. 

“Looks cozy and inviting,” Morgan continued, still somewhat amused at the range of colors that brightened Reid’s home. The bed linen actually possessed the colors of a rising sun, ranging from soft yellow to the brightest red he could think of. “You can’t sleep in those clothes… Well, yes, you can,” Morgan added, smothering Reid’s obvious protest, “But sleeping like that isn’t comfortable. Now get moving.”

Reid surrendered, knowing resistance was futile and headed for the bathroom. He picked up some sweats on his way over there and then closed the door behind him. He was in trouble—lots of it.

````

Morgan used his time and exchanged his clothes for sweats as well. Although he didn’t want to appear snooping, he headed for the kitchen and had a quick look at the content of those cupboards. He felt pleased when he found some chamomile tea hidden in the back. Getting something warm into Reid might help relax the younger man and tea might just do that. 

Morgan was no stranger to nightmares; they had sought him out frequently ever since he had joined the BAU. A long time ago, Gideon had helped him find a way to deal with them, but apparently the method wasn’t working for Reid. The dark rings beneath those brown eyes told him all he needed to know, namely that his friend wasn’t sleeping. 

After pouring the hot water into their cups, he added the teabags and carried them back into the bedroom. He chuckled at seeing the puzzled expression on Reid’s face. Now there was a man who couldn’t hide a thing – Morgan could read him so easily. “I made tea.” 

Reid’s puzzled expression turned into a deep frown. “Why did you do that?”

Morgan chuckled. “Be careful, it’s still rather hot,” he said handing Reid his cup. Reid wrapped his long fingers around it and seemed to soak up the warmth the tea radiated. Morgan sat down on the bed, rested his back against the headboard, and continued to study Reid, who clearly felt awkward. He reckoned Reid didn’t have much experience when it came down to sharing a bed – even if only for the purpose of sleeping. Morgan didn’t plan on trespassing though, no matter how tempting that thought was!

Reid blew onto the surface of the tea in order for it to cool faster and peeked at Morgan from above the rim. Morgan could easily tell how confused his friend felt and maybe he should explain his actions, but what would be the fun in that? Let Reid rack his brain a little longer. It might keep him from worrying about their past cases. 

“Why don’t you move a little closer? It’s cool and you’re hogging the comforter by sitting on it.” Morgan reminded himself to take small steps; he didn’t want to scare Reid off.

Reid nodded, still obviously mystified, but moved closer. He sat cross-legged next to Morgan, pulled the comforter closer, but made sure they weren’t touching. It was rather odd to have Morgan here in such an intimate setting. “I don’t understand any of this,” he admitted in the end, knowing he was a bad liar and lying wouldn’t get him anywhere in the first place.

Morgan raised his arm, wrapped it around Reid’s shoulder, and pulled him even closer, making sure they were touching now. Reid flinched, but Morgan ignored that reaction, knowing Reid didn’t fear him. The younger man just felt uncertain. “How long have we known each other, kid?”

“Five years, three months and…”

“Reid…” Morgan grinned while interrupting his friend. “I don’t need the exact numbers….”

“Ah…” Reid felt even less certain of himself now that he was practically buried in a hug. Morgan holding him felt nice, but it also made him feel awkward. 

“You’re a good friend… I consider you family, do you know that? I want you to know that because I can tell you’re wondering why I am here and what we’re doing. You can relax, kid… I’m your friend and friends support each other.” It was only a half truth, but he felt confident he would be telling Reid the rest shortly. He had to act slowly… He had to keep that in mind at all times.

“Thank you…” Reid stared straight ahead at the wall, trying to make sense of what Morgan was saying. “But I find it difficult to believe you would be doing the same thing for Hotch or Rossi.”

At hearing that, Morgan laughed warmly. “They’re not you, pretty boy… Hotch would threaten me with bodily harm and Rossi … let’s not go there…” Morgan was relieved to see the small smile curling Reid’s lips. 

“So you’re only doing this because it’s me?” Now what did that mean? And why couldn’t figure it out?

“Exactly, kid… Now drink your tea and tell me about your nightmares… If you want to, that is. Don’t think you must… It’s your choice…”

Reid sipped his tea and considered his options. He didn’t want to burden Morgan, but at the same time, talking about them might do him good. “Are you sure you don’t mind having to listen to me whine?” 

“Reid, you’re not whining. It’s perfectly normal that these cases affect you… But talking helps…really.” Morgan hoped his friend would accept his offer, as he disliked seeing the uncertain expression on Reid’s face. “What are the nightmares about?” he asked in general, giving Reid the chance to start with the least threatening one.

Reid was tempted to do just that; take the easy way out, but then he realized he might not get another chance to discuss his nightmares with someone who could help him deal with them. “They are mostly about dying…” He continued to stare at the wall as he didn’t want to make eye-contact with his friend.

“Dying?” Morgan frowned. Reid’s statement didn’t make any sense. He was alive, wasn’t he? But then he realized what this was about and his heart ached for his friend. “They’re about Tobias, aren’t they?”

Reid nodded, sipped again, and drew in a deep breath. “I could deal with the torture… I could even deal with him giving me Dilaudid…” Now he did peek at Morgan, feeling curious and at the same terrified to see his friend’s reaction.

“We knew about the drugs…” Morgan admitted.

“How did you?” Reid blinked; hadn’t he kept the secret as well as he had thought?

“When we found you in that cemetery your sleeve was rolled up. We only needed one good look at your arm to see the punctures there.”

“Of course… but you never addressed it….” Reid cocked his head and questioningly looked at the older man.

“We were waiting for you to bring it up first… What happened to you was… Reid, we watched it happen on screen and we were unable to help you… We didn’t know how to approach you,” Morgan admitted. “We wanted to help – the entire team – but you kept us at a distance… You still do.”

Reid couldn’t deny it as it was the truth. He was good at distancing himself from people – it was a way to protect himself from getting hurt, but this time it might have backfired on him. “I am clean… Have been for…”

“Reid, I know you’re clean… The whole team knows how hard it was on you to stay away from the drugs… You displayed horrible mood swings at the time.”

Reid found himself smiling for some odd reason. “You’re right… I remember being rather obnoxious towards Emily…”

“She can take it… Don’t worry about that… it’s in the past.”

Reid draw in another deep breath, placed the now empty cup on the night stand, and moved so he could look at Morgan more easily. Morgan kept his arm in place though, and for some reason, that pleased Reid. “Tobias brought me back to life… One moment the chair dropped backwards and I was fighting for breath… The next, I was…” He nibbled on his bottom lip, unable to explain what had happened back then. “And then, I was back – all of a sudden… He loomed over me and all I could think of was that I might never see any of you again… I didn’t want to die without having told the team goodbye.”

Morgan nodded in understanding. “You went through a traumatic experience…”

Reid’s features contorted briefly. “But I did manage to tell Hotch where to find us…”

“Yes, you did…” Morgan wasn’t sure he would have been able to act that rationally had he been in Reid’s place. “But you’re here now and you’re still alive…”

Reid smiled and nodded; he hadn’t thought it possible, but he did feel better and that had everything to do with Morgan’s soothing presence. He felt so relaxed that he couldn’t help cracking a joke, “And apparently I have a boyfriend now as well.”

Morgan felt relieved at hearing Reid joke about that. It told him the younger man felt more comfortable now and he grew hopeful that maybe this particular demon wouldn’t haunt Reid tonight. “Humor me and tell me, have you had boyfriends before?” He suspected he already knew the answer, but he needed to make sure. Reid blushed and looked away.

“What do you think?” Reid whispered. “You know what I am like when talking to people… Let alone talk someone I like in that way.”

Morgan wanted to tell Reid that he was sorry about that, but didn’t. There was no need to make Reid feel even more lacking so he decided on a different approach. “Reid, you’re a wonderful person and you have a lot to give. Anyone who ends up with you should be happy to have you…” Reid stared at him in shock and Morgan nodded in order to emphasize his statement. “Seriously, these guys don’t know what they’re missing out on.” But he knew and he hoped he would get a chance to do something about it. 

“That’s a nice thing of you to say… Even though it’s a lie,” Reid said with a bitter smile.

Morgan frowned at hearing that particular tone and promised himself to do his best to make Reid understand how valuable a person he was. “How about we get some sleep, Reid? I don’t know about you, but I’m beat.” A quick look at the alarm clock told him it had turned three AM already. 

“You’re probably right,” Reid agreed. “I’ll take the couch and you…” 

“No running away, kid… I’m perfectly okay with this and I don’t need to profile you to see that you’re comfortable as well… Maybe a little bit on edge, but comfortable and don’t you deny it.”

Reid couldn’t, for Morgan’s observation was true. “I must warn you though – I am not used to sharing a bed and might hog the comforter!”

“I’ll survive,” Morgan said, chuckling. He started to move so he could lie down, but didn’t release his hold on Reid, forcing the younger man to move along. 

Reid followed his friend’s lead, realizing that Morgan’s mind was set. It still came as a surprise when his friend pulled him even closer and encouraged him to cuddle up to him. They ended up with Morgan on his back, an arm wrapped still around him and him resting his head against the older man’s shoulder. “This is odd,” Reid commented softly.

“But not unwelcome, or am I wrong?”

“No, you’re right…” So far, telling the truth had worked for Reid and he wasn’t going to change a winning strategy. “I’m not sure I can sleep though…”

“Don’t worry about that,” Morgan whispered in s a soothing voice. “I have a feeling you’ll be asleep before you know it! Now close your eyes and try to relax…” If necessary, he still had a few tricks up his sleeve. 

Reid tried to relax, he really did, but it wasn’t working. The fact that he wasn’t alone in bed continued to make him wonder. Suddenly, fingers slipped into his hair and started massaging his scalp. It was an odd, but welcome sensation. “What are you doing? And why are you doing it?” He was about to open his eyes again in order to find out.

“No, don’t… keep them closed… It’s something my mother did when I couldn’t sleep as a child… It worked for me… Maybe it’ll work for you too!”

Reid made himself accept the touch, and after a while, he started to feel comfortable again. It was nice having someone touch him, and Morgan’s fingers caused quite a pleasant sensation on his skin. Against all odds, Reid relaxed, slipped into sleep, and got his first real rest in weeks.

Morgan waited until he was certain that Reid wasn’t just feigning sleep, but was really under. “Thanks for trusting me,” he whispered and pressed a soft kiss onto Reid’s hair. He had never thought he would get a chance with Reid, but now that it was happening, he was going to do his utmost best to win Spencer’s heart. 

Part 2

Now that was odd. The smell was definitely familiar, bacon and eggs and coffee, but how could that be? He was in bed and not in the kitchen, so could those smells possibly be real? Reid sat upright with a start and stared at the alarm clock. It was ten AM already and he was so late for the team’s meeting and…

“Relax, kid,” Morgan said as he entered the bedroom. “It’s Saturday, even we get the weekend off now and then.” He leaned against the doorframe and noticed Reid’s disheveled hair and the look of sheer terror on his face. He couldn’t help it that his protective instincts kicked in. He had always done his best to keep Reid safe, but he had failed too many times as far as he was concerned. “Hope you’re hungry, ‘cause I made breakfast.” He had been pleasantly surprised to find the fridge stuffed. When he had walked into the kitchen earlier, he had been worried that all he would find was coffee. 

“Morgan…” Reid blinked in surprise and then grew flustered as he recalled last night. For heaven’s sake, he had fallen asleep in his friend’s arms! Just how badly had he embarrassed himself? And why was Morgan still here?

“Name’s Derek,” he said and let a smile accompany the statement. “We’re not at work at the moment… It’s okay to call me Derek, you know…” He wondered how Reid was going to react to that invitation and if his friend was picking up on him trying to cover the emotional distance that kept them apart.

“I’ll try to remember that…Derek…” He was used to calling him Morgan and calling him Derek might take a while. Old habits had a tendency to die hard where he was concerned. “You didn’t have to make breakfast. If you had woke me up, I could have done that.” It took him a moment to understand why Derek was grinning at him. “Oh, I slept through the night…” He had gotten an amazingly seven hours of sleep – and he’d had no nightmares… 

“You looked cute asleep like that. I didn’t have the heart to wake you,” Derek said, smiling warmly. Reid grew once more flustered and tried to hide behind his hair after letting the strands obscure his features. “Cute?” There was nothing cute about him! He was clumsy, awkward, lacked a sense of humor and… He blinked in surprise as he realized that Derek was now sitting on his heels in front of him. 

“Don’t sell yourself short… If I say you’re cute, then you’re cute.”

“Morgan… Derek,” Reid quickly corrected himself, “There’s no logic to that statement. Just because you said it, it doesn’t become true!”

“You have always been cute… Now get to your feet, kid, and let’s eat. I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” Reid whispered amused as he left the bed and followed Derek into the kitchen. The table was already set and their coffee poured. Derek had placed the sugar right next to his mug and Reid quickly spooned lots of the white stuff into his coffee. 

“You should also eat something… Spencer…” Derek monitored his friend closely, curious to find out how Reid would react to being called by his first name. It was another small, but necessary step if he really wanted to close the gap between them. Reid gasped, raised his eyes, and stared at him. Just as quickly though, he averted his gaze and wrapped his fingers around the coffee mug. 

This was a morning full of surprises – no make that a night, and everything had started when Derek had shown up rather unexpectedly. “You hardly ever call me Spencer.” It was always Reid, kid, or pretty boy, but never Spencer. Why would Derek start doing that now? Maybe for the same reason the older man wanted him to call him Derek. Reid knew what his friend was doing, but he wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. 

“Then it’s about time I start doing that more often, don’t you agree, Spencer?” It felt good to say his name like that. It rolled off his tongue easily and comfortably. He hoped he would get a lot more opportunities to say it. Derek slid some bacon and eggs onto Spencer’s plate and added two slices of toast. “Start eating… You must be hungry and eating that’s a whole lot healthier than overdosing on sugar.”

“Healthier? Do you have any idea how greasy this is? Do you know how many people die of…” But Derek didn’t let him finish. 

“Start eating, doctor Reid…”

Blushing again, Spencer decided it might be wisest to give in. Facing a pissed off Derek Morgan wasn’t particularly high on his list so early in the morning. “Tastes good,” he said, hoping that would help him get back onto Derek’s good side. 

“So tell me, what do you normally do on a day off?” Derek ate his share of the bacon and eggs and sipped his coffee – black, no sugar, no milk, thank you!

Reid shrugged. “Normally I would spend the day reading.” If Derek had expected anything spectacular, he had to disappoint him. “Maybe get some groceries… and write a letter to my mother…” 

“Well, we’re going to do things differently today. Of course you can write to your mom, but no reading for you today.” Derek’s mind was made up. “Tomorrow evening we have to pass for a couple and we need to start practicing.” The look Reid gave him could have been labeled comical if there hadn’t been a startled edge to it. “What am I trying to say is, we’ll get your groceries, but we’ll do it together… and maybe we can go to Starbucks for coffee…” He hoped that mentioning Spencer’s addiction would make the younger man agree to go along with his plans.

“But what if we run into someone who knows you? Won’t that put you in a bad situation? Having to explain why you are there with *me*?”

Derek almost cringed at hearing that tone again. “Spencer, you need to stop putting yourself down.” He had noticed it before; there had been that time when Reid had found it impossible to believe that a girl like Lila could like him for who he was. It was something they needed to work on. “Maybe you need to hear this…” Derek was actually rather sure that Spencer needed to hear it. “You’re handsome… You got great facial features and those eyes… You have no idea what they do to me when you look at me like that, do you? You have a great personality and I’m honored to be your friend… But Spencer, you need to stop seeing yourself as that fourteen year old boy they picked on. That’s in the past.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Spencer admitted. It was true though… Most of the times he still felt like that fourteen year old nerd who got bullied at school. 

“Then we need to change that…” Derek had finished eating and now poured them more coffee. “We’re going to have a look at your wardrobe in a moment… Maybe we’ll get rid of some stuff and then we’ll decide what to wear tomorrow evening… Trust me, I’ll make sure you’re handsomest guy in that room!”

The first thing Reid wanted to do was to state that was impossible, but he stopped himself from voicing that opinion, knowing Derek wouldn’t like it.

~~~

“Now that outfit looks good on you!” To say that Derek was pleased was an understatement. Spencer totally rocked that look as far as Derek was concerned. 

“Do you really think so?” Spencer looked at his reflection and couldn’t understand why Derek favored this particular outfit; black slacks, a gray shirt and one of his favorite corduroy black jackets. He didn’t think he looked any different than any other day. 

“Yes, just one thing is missing,” Derek said as he slid his fingers into Spencer’s locks to give him a slightly debauched look. “Perfect.” Well, Spencer would look even better with bruised lips due to kissing, but he had to store that thought for another day. 

“You’re messing up my hair!” Spencer raised an arm, wanting to straighten out the mess Derek had made, but the older man caught his hand and wrapped his fingers around it instead. Astounded, Spencer looked at their joined hands and he wondered what had made Derek do that. 

“Don’t change it… I like your hair looking a bit messed up…” 

Still trying to understand what was happening, and utterly failing at figuring it out, Spencer nodded obediently. “If you say so.” Derek had more class than he would ever have so it wouldn’t hurt to listen to some advice.

“I’ll pick up my clothes later at my home… I’ll pick something that matches your outfit.”

Hoping this wouldn’t backfire on him, Reid took a step closer to Derek and managed to make eye-contact, which wasn’t easy. He felt intimidated, but had no idea why, but no, that wasn’t true. He knew why he felt edgy. He hadn’t let anyone in like Derek. Morgan was a good friend, probably his best, and he was letting down his guard. In the past, he had always gotten burned when he had done so, but maybe he didn’t have a choice in this case. “I still don’t understand why you’re doing this…”

“I’m confident you’ll figure it out…” Derek gave Spencer a wink and then straightened out the wrinkled jacket. “You got black shoes to go with those clothes?”

“Sure…” Spencer pointed at a pair on the floor. “Will those do?”

Derek nodded and smiled. “’I’m really looking forward to that reunion of yours.”

“I am not,” Spencer confessed, growing miserable just thinking about it. 

“You’ll do fine, babe…” Derek said, feeding Spencer another piece of the puzzle. Reid immediately stared at him and Derek knew he had accomplished his goal – Spencer’s highly intelligent mind would now start working on the question why Derek had called him that. He didn’t have to wait for long. 

“What did you call me?” Spencer’s voice mirrored his shock at being called that.

“You heard me… babe…” Derek said, keeping Spencer on edge. When he had started this game, he had thought Spencer would catch on faster, but the way it stood now, Reid didn’t seem to have a clue. But Derek had faith in the younger man. Sooner or later – and hopefully sooner – Spencer would reach the correct conclusion.

``` 

“Do you have everything you need?” Derek felt amused. During the last thirty minutes they had searched the supermarket for his favorite food items. Reid had apparently abandoned any grocery shopping lists he had made. 

“I think so… Or do you miss anything?” Reid felt torn. Derek was obviously playing some sort of game with him, but he couldn’t figure out the rules. 

“As far as I’m concerned we got everything we need – namely you, babe.” Derek grinned, left Spencer standing next to the car, and got inside. “Are you tagging along or taking the train home?” He shouldn’t enjoy teasing Read that much, but he did.

Spencer quickly slipped onto the passenger’s seat and buckled up. “You should stop calling me that. What if some acquaintance of you hears it and wonders about it? How do you plan to explain it to them?”

“That’s not a problem,” Derek stated as he started the engine. He reached for Spencer’s hand, wrapped his fingers around it, and lifted it to his lips. “I’ll tell them the truth; I’m with my boyfriend and that there’s nothing wrong with me calling you that.” Spencer’s hand twitched, telling him that the younger man had been unprepared for his move – good.

“You just…” Although Derek’s lips no longer touched the back of his hand, he still felt that caress. 

Unfortunately Derek had to return the hand to its owner as he needed to steer the car out of the parking lot. “You do realize you can’t react like that tomorrow evening? If you do, we’ll never be able to pull it off.”

“Ah…” Of course, that was it; Derek was acting and he hadn’t realized that. He had been reading too much into his friend’s actions. “I’ll do my best to play along.” Although, he wasn’t sure he was as good an actor as Derek was! 

“Let’s get you some coffee. Maybe you’re suffering from caffeine withdrawal, or maybe sugar withdrawal!” Derek tried to lighten up the mood, and judging by Spencer’s smile, he had succeeded.

“I can do coffee – and sugar – always.”

~~~

The caffeine had its normal effect on Spencer. It perked him und provided him with some much needed energy. Keeping up with Derek was taking its toll. He leaned back into the padded chair at Starbucks, closed his eyes, and smiled happily. 

“Reid, are you purring?”

Spencer opened his eyes at once. Him? Purring? Never! Well maybe… “It’s not purring exactly.”

“I’m not going to fight you over definitions, genius,” Derek stated and enjoyed his own drink. He checked the time; it was only four in the afternoon. “I want to pick up some clothes from home… After that, we can do dinner, if you want to?” It was all part of the dating game and Spencer was playing along, even though the younger man didn’t realize it yet.

“We can do dinner…”Spencer said, opting for the safest approach. “If you cook… My cooking is terrible…”

“We can order in,” Derek assured the younger man. He didn’t want to go to a restaurant though; he wanted to spend more time with Spencer at his home. Hopefully Spencer felt secure there and would continue to open up. “Maybe some Chinese food?” he said, baiting Spencer, knowing his friend would take it.

“As long as I can use a fork, I’m fine with Chinese,” Spencer said and sipped more coffee. This weekend was turning decidedly odd. 

```

Derek placed his bag with extra clothes on the back seat and then got into the driver’s seat. Clooney was staying with a neighbor who adored him and she would probably spoil the dog, but Derek guessed Clooney deserved that. He wished he could spend more time with his golden retriever, but the job didn’t usually allow that and now Spencer had become his priority. 

~~~

Instead of Chinese food, they had ended up taking home pizza from Derek’s favorite pizzeria. He had even added a bottle of wine to their order, although he couldn’t recall having seen Spencer drink alcohol. Well, maybe tonight would be a first.

He followed the younger man upstairs, and while Spencer opened the door to his apartment, Morgan realized it started to feel familiar – not like home, but he liked Reid’s place, that was for sure. Spencer switched on the lights and Derek headed for the living room.

“Kitchen is that way,” Spencer called out behind him while the younger man shrugged out of his coat.

“I know that, genius…” Derek put the pizza boxes on the coffee table since the place lacked a dining room and went in search of wine glasses. He dropped his coat over the couch, kicked out his shoes, and realized he did feel at home here – and it wasn’t the place – it was Spencer’s presence. 

“Are we eating in here?” Spencer stood next to the coffee table and looked confused. 

“Tell me, do you have any wine glasses?”

“You could try the kitchen,” Spencer said and smirked.

Derek rolled his eyes back and headed for the kitchen. “Don’t touch those pizza boxes,” he called out behind him, knowing Spencer rather well. In one of the cupboards he found wine glasses all right and took two of them with him into the living room. Spencer hadn’t moved and still waited for him to make a move. “Sit down, man…”

Spencer took a seat on the couch and continued to stare at him. Derek opened the wine bottle and poured the white wine into the glasses. “Well, don’t stare like that. The boxes won’t open by themselves!”

“You should really make up your mind… Spencer, do this… don’t do that…” He offered the older man a shy smile. Now what he was back at home, on familiar turf so to speak, he felt more confident. 

Derek liked seeing Spencer starting to verbally banter with him. He hoped it was only the beginning of a deepening friendship. “I have never seen you drink alcohol…” he said as he handed Spencer one of the glasses. With his other hand, he opened the boxes and greedily inhaled the delicious smell that took possession of Reid’s home.

“I don’t drink,” Spencer said and looked doubtfully at the wine. 

“Why? There’s nothing wrong with having a drink occasionally…” He enjoyed a cold beer at the time, or wine when it accompanied good food. 

“I don’t know,” Spencer said in a thoughtful voice. “Maybe I dislike losing control…”

Derek had a hard time imagining Spencer drunk. He doubted it had ever come to that. He picked up a slice of the pizza and took a bite.

“I once had champagne… One glass to be exact… It went straight to my head.” It had been during a party where Gideon had dragged him off to. After that one time, he had always refused alcohol.

“Come on, life a bit on the wild side! Have a glass of wine with the pizza!” Derek had no intention of getting Spencer drunk, but maybe the drink would help loosen up the younger man! 

Spencer wasn’t convinced, but since this was obviously important to Derek, he sipped. He didn’t like it though.

Derek managed to suppress laughing at seeing the face the younger man was making. “Here, have some pizza!” He handed Spencer a slice and his mirth increased when he realized that the younger man was searching for a plate and utensils. “Just bite it off…” It was odd, how endearing Spencer appeared when looking so damn lost in a such an everyday situation. “Got any good movies?”

Spencer chewed, swallowed the food, and only then replied. “I highly doubt that your definition of good movies and mine are one and the same!”

Derek chuckled and continued to eat his pizza. “I’ll have a look at your collection in a moment…” He paused for effect and then added, “Any gay porn among them?”

Spencer blushed to the roots of his hair. “Of course not!” How could Derek believe he actually owned something like that?

“Pity,” Derek replied, smirking. 

Spencer couldn’t believe they were actually having this conversation. “Why would you want to watch gay porn at any rate? You’re straight.”

“Are you so sure about that, babe?” Derek hoped that Spencer would finally put the pieces of the puzzle together. If boy genius didn’t, he would have to literary spell it out to Spencer. Suddenly the younger man’s eyes widened and Derek nodded. “Go ahead and ask me.”

He couldn’t have reached the right conclusion! How many times hadn’t he seen Derek tuck away girls’ phone numbers? How many times had he seen Derek offering the ladies his arm and then leaving with them? Derek Morgan was as straight as they got! And furthermore, someone like Morgan, who had been abused by a male in the past, would never willingly seek out sex with a man. 

Derek sighed when no question was forthcoming and moved closer to Spencer on the couch. “I’m bisexual, Spencer…” He watched the play of emotions on the younger man’s face. Apparently that possibility had never crossed Spencer’s mind. “I’m attracted to both, women and men.”

“I know what it means…” Spencer whispered, feeling rather stunned. “I never had any idea… You hid it well.”

“Like you hid the fact that you’re gay?”

Spencer averted his eyes and nodded. “Touché.” He had been hiding too. But instead of clarifying matters, this particular discovery added to his confusion. Feeling perplexed, he reached for his glass, forgetting wine was in it, and took a big gulp, which promptly burned his throat on the way down. “I might have told you I’m gay if I had ever suspected you’re bi…”

“You weren’t really looking for the signals….” Not that he had given off that many, but still, if anyone should have picked up on them, it should have been Spencer, as the younger man had always taken a special place in his heart – everyone on the team knew how much he cared about Reid… Everyone except Reid himself probably. 

“This is rather…unexpected,” Spencer said, still reeling from the wine which left a burning trail down his throat. “It explains though why you didn’t mind holding me last night…”

Derek arched an eyebrow. Had Spencer really figured it out or had he drawn a wrong conclusion? 

“You don’t suffer from homophobia,” Spencer said, feeling rather relieved. “That’s good.”

Ah, boy genius still hadn’t caught on. Such a pity!

“Your secret is safe with me though. You don’t have to worry about me telling anyone on the team!” Spencer wanted his friend to know that.

“Spencer, do you really believe they don’t know? They are really lousy profilers if they didn’t figure it out years ago.” He waited for Spencer to make the connection -- at least he hoped the younger man would.

“Does that mean… Do you think they know? About me? About me being gay? Well, Emily knows because I told her, but the others don’t know, do they?”

“I hate to burst your bubble, but I think they know… Or at least suspect the truth. They act ignorant because they don’t want to hurt your feelings… Or maybe they’re hoping you’ll confide in them, but Spencer, getting close to you is no easy feat… You don’t let people in – not even your friends… Not willingly.”

Spencer couldn’t deny that. “It’s always been like that… I never had anyone to confide in… You know what my mother is like… And my father left when I was a child… I always had to depend on myself… I couldn’t count on other people supporting me.”

“That’s in the past, Spencer… You have friends now… Good friends who would risk their lives in order to save yours… You know we did… if only you let them in like you’re letting me in right now.”

“Letting you in is easier…” Reid moistened his lips while trying to think of the next thing to say. He didn’t want Derek to get the wrong idea – didn’t want the older man to find out the truth why he was comfortable confiding in him. He didn’t want Derek to get up from this couch and turn his back on him. He could never tell Derek the truth – the fact that he loved the older man had to stay a secret. 

Derek Morgan was an excellent profiler and reading Spencer’s emotions was easy. Interpreting his reaction was even easier, but he also knew he couldn’t pressure the younger man into telling him the truth, no, he could wait. No matter how difficult that was, he would give Spencer the time he needed. “Pizza’s getting cold…” He reached for another slice, but stayed close to Spencer. Looking at the younger man, he could literally see his mind trying to work everything out and getting frustrating because one part was still missing.

~~~

“It’s almost one AM and I’m tired. We should be rested tomorrow. We want to give them the show of a life time!” Derek was curious; how would Spencer handle this? 

“You’re right of course…” Spencer knew the sensible thing to do was to get some sleep, but that also presented him with a problem. Last night Derek had taken him by surprise by showing up and hogging his bed; this time around was different though. “I’ll take the couch… You take the bed.”

Derek’s suspicions had been right then. “No, we’re sharing your bed again. You don’t fit onto the couch – you’re too tall and I don’t want you walking hunched over tomorrow evening.”

Spencer gathered his courage, looked gingerly at Derek, and whispered, “Why? Why share a bed?”

“Because last night you slept for seven hours straight and that was a first in a long time, am I right?”

Spencer nodded. “You’re right, but I don’t want to infringe… burden you like that.”

“Holding you in your sleep is no burden for me. I’ll let you in on a secret… I like holding you… So it’s hardly a sacrifice… It’s more like a reward.” What would Spencer make of that?

“If you really don’t mind…”

“I don’t…” How could someone as intelligent as Spencer be so ignorant in these matters? The signals he was sending would even tell a blind man he was interested, and yet, Spencer remained totally unaware. “Shall we get some sleep then?” Since Spencer didn’t move, Derek thought it best if he did. He picked up his bag, went into the bathroom, and readied himself for the night. Although he usually slept clad in only his boxers, he put on sweats. He brushed his teeth, checked his reflection, and then headed for the bedroom. Spencer was nowhere in sight, but listening closely he could hear him rummage about in the kitchen, probably cleaning up after them. He laid down on his back, tucked his arms beneath his head, and waited for Spencer to finally join him. 

Spencer showed up ten minutes later, looking shy. He disappeared into the bathroom and Derek considered the situation he found himself in. As far as he was concerned he had made progress. After all, this was going to be the second night he would spend in Spencer’s bed, holding him. When Spencer appeared five minutes later, the timidity still showed and he shuffled his feet nervously. “Hop on in… It’s your bed…” Derek lifted the comforter, inviting Spencer in. 

Spencer still wasn’t sure this was the right thing to do. Derek’s actions confused him. Being bi explained why Derek was all right with allowing him into his personal space, but it didn’t explain why the older man worried about him. Realizing he couldn’t just remain standing there for the night, he sat down on the bed and debated on which side he should lay down. Did he want to face Derek? Did he want to see him? Or would it be easier to turn away and pretend the older man wasn’t there? That would hardly be fair, would it? Spencer lay down on his left side, facing Derek, and was taken aback upon seeing the soft and caring expression on the other man’s face. Derek did care about him – he was ready to accept that; if only he knew why the other man cared!

“Move closer… I don’t bite…Not if you don’t want me to,” Derek added teasingly. Hopefully it would reassure Spencer, but the remark didn’t seem to register as the younger man didn’t react. “Come on… You want another good night’s rest, don’t you?”

Well, that was true. He would love to get another seven hours of sleep. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

Derek reacted by moving closer to Spencer. If the younger man wouldn’t come to him, he would go to Reid. He wrapped his arm around Spencer, pulled him closer, and got comfortable. After covering them with the comforter he moved his shoulder slightly so the younger man’s head rested against his chest. “Are you comfortable like this?” He sure was!

The truth was that he was more than just comfortable. He would love to go to sleep like this every night of his life, but that was wishful dreaming. “I’m good..” He couldn’t help closing his eyes and falling asleep. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gone to sleep that quickly.

~~~

Reid was the first to wake up the next morning. He couldn’t bring himself to leave the bed though; waking up in Derek’s arms was quickly turning into a new addiction – one he should fight, but couldn’t. The older man was important to Spencer --- always had been. When he had joined the team at twenty-one, Derek had made him feel instantly welcome. Spencer had long realized that Derek felt like a protective older brother, and since he had never had one, he cherished that thought. 

Yesterday Derek had surprised him by making breakfast and it was only right if he did the same thing for the older man today. There was only one problem; Spencer really didn’t want to leave the warm bed. Glancing at the time, he found that he had slept eight hours. He had slept through the night again without a single nightmare waking him. That was extra-ordinary. 

“I hope you’re not considering leaving the bed. It’s only nine thirty and we can easily get one or two more hours of sleep.”

Derek’s voice took him by surprise. The older man’s eyes were closed and Derek appeared asleep, but apparently that wasn’t true. “I was thinking about getting breakfast ready,” Spencer admitted softly. “Or aren’t you hungry?”

 

“Not that hungry… Stay a little longer…” Derek opened his eyes. “Moments like these are rare for us – let’s enjoy them.”

Spencer felt mesmerized looking at Derek from this close. The other man was handsome, wanted by many, and for some odd reason, Derek had chosen to be here, right here, right now. Derek’s fingers slid into his hair again and Spencer loved the way it felt. That particular touch had a remarkable soothing effect on him and he closed his eyes in bliss. Derek was right; moments like these were rare. Normally Hotch would have long called them in, but apparently America’s serial killers were also taking the weekend off. 

“So tonight’s the big night.. Think you’re ready to face them?”

Derek’s question pulled Spencer away from his happy little cocoon and he felt compelled to open his eyes again. “I doubt I’ll ever feel ready for that.”

“You know, chances are that if they picked on you, they also bullied other kids at your school.”

“That’s possible… I wouldn’t know though.” He had never given the matter much thought. After suffering that horrible humiliation he had made sure he had never been alone with Alexa or Harper again, unwilling to give them another shot at hurting him. 

“I can ask baby-girl to do a background check on them. Maybe it helps if you know who you’re dealing with,” Derek offered.

“We shouldn’t abuse our privileges like that,:” Spencer replied, feeling uneasy. “That would be illegal.”

“And we never did anything illegal before, did we?” Derek laughed. 

“I’m not sure…”

“Trust me on this, yes?” Derek gave the younger man a hopeful look. 

Spencer’s resistance crumbled and he gave in. “But only this once.”

Derek smiled pleased. “Now why don’t you get breakfast started while I make that call? And remember, I need more to sustain myself than sugar with coffee.” 

That made Spencer smile. “I’ll remember that…” He regretted having to get up and leave their warm nest, but he did, and headed for the kitchen. While he got the coffee ready, he heard Derek speaking on the phone. 

“Done, Penelope is looking into their histories,.” Derek sat down at the kitchen table and watched Spencer make toast. This was one homely scene he could get used to. “How did you sleep?”

“Surprisingly well,” Spencer replied truthfully. He had dreamt, but hadn’t suffered any nightmares. Instead, he had dreamt of Derek, and it had been a pleasant dream. Soft ticking against the windows brought him back to the present and he disliked realizing it rained. It tended to make him melancholy.

“Looks like we’ll do things your way this afternoon. We might have to spend it indoors… “ 

Spencer nodded as he carried the toast and scrambled eggs over to the kitchen table. Now that everything was set, he poured their coffee and sat down himself. “We can watch another movie if you want to.”

“Maybe…” Derek piled some scrambled egg onto his toast and bit into it. “How nervous are you regarding tonight?” He knew Spencer was a bad actor and nerves would only make matters worse. 

Spencer shrugged. “I can only tell you that I’m quit relaxed at the moment.” And that surprised him. 

“Must be my charming presence,” Derek said, only half-joking, and desperately hoping Spencer would finally catch on.

Derek was probably right about that, but Spencer felt hesitant to voice it as he didn’t want Derek to find out about his feelings. And so he kept quiet.

~~~

“Ever watched this movie?” Derek had found it at the bottom of a huge pile. “The relic… sounds interesting.”

“Yes, I did… A long time ago though… I don’t mind watching it again.” The movie had been fine if he remembered correctly. 

“Got some popcorn by any chance?” Derek kept a close eye on the clock as he didn’t want to run late tonight. They still had three hours to kill and watching a movie sounded good to him. Cuddling with Spencer on the couch sounded even better!

“Popcorn?” He might have some… He had once bought a package, but had never used it. Spencer went into the kitchen while Derek inserted the DVD. Spencer found the popcorn, put it in the microwave, and waited for it to get ready. He poured the popcorn into a bowl, added some soft drinks to the mix, and carried everything back into the living room. It was weird, but he didn’t worry about the reunion at all. Maybe he hadn’t fully realized yet that they were attending. Maybe he hoped that Derek would change his mind and that they would end up watching more movies that evening instead. 

“Get over here, babe….” Derek patted the space next to him and made himself comfortable on the couch, resting his feet on the coffee table and reaching for the popcorn.

Spencer noticed the look Derek gave the soft drinks. “I don’t have any beer,” he explained.

“Well, in that case, this must do!” Derek took the coca cola from Spencer and sipped. “I shouldn’t be surprised you’re drinking this! More sugar, more caffeine!”

Spencer sat down, still feeling a tad gingerly, but more easily accepting the close proximity than before. He placed the bowl onto his lap and while watching the movie, he cast a look at Derek every now and then. He hoped the older man wouldn’t notice, but Spencer knew he was deceiving himself, Derek noticed, but hopefully Derek didn’t know just why he was staring at him

Part 3

He started to feel jittery after all. Checking his appearance in the mirror, Spencer whished Derek would call it off. He didn’t think he looked good, no matter what Derek told him. When he looked at his reflection, a fourteen year old boy stared right back at him. 

“Looking good, sexy,” Derek commented as he came to a halt behind the younger man. He wrapped his arms around Spencer’s waist, rested his chin on the other man’s shoulder, and grinned. “We look good together, don’t you think?”

How Derek could call him sexy escaped Spencer. “You look good… I don’t.”

Derek had expected a reaction like that and didn’t become discouraged. “Look at yourself for once, Spencer… And I mean, really look at yourself. You’re tall… not small like a fourteen year old… You no longer wear those nerdy glasses, though I must admit they look good on you… Your hairdo changed for the better too. The longer hair makes you look older, which is a good thing… And remember what I told you about your eyes?”As expected, Spencer blushed. “Even that appeals to me. Spencer, you look every bit as sexy as me, well not maybe not a hundred percent, but you’re getting there.”

“You’re only saying that to make me feel better,” Spencer whispered. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t see the man Derek described in that mirror. 

“No, I’m not…” Derek wished he knew of a way to make Spencer see the truth. “You might be a bit too thin for my personal taste, but it looks good on you…Spencer, you’ll rock that reunion tonight… And I’m damn proud to be your date.” Calmly calculating his next move, Derek pressed a kiss onto Spencer’s throat. Spencer coughed nervously, and his dark eyes sought out his in the mirror. “Really, Spencer… You look good enough to eat… So I hope you don’t mind if I start nibbling a bit.” His lips moved higher, seeking out an earlobe. Closing his lips over the soft flesh, he sucked slightly. Spencer tensed in his arms, but didn’t move away. So Derek continued the sensual seduction. He couldn’t give in to Spencer’s insecurities. “And tonight, you’re mine…”

Pleasant shivers traveled down Spencer’s spine. What was Derek doing? Oh, he knew what Derek was doing; sucking and nibbling on his right earlobe but… Something was happening to his ability to think rationally, especially when those strong hands rubbed his abdomen through the fabric of his shirt. 

“You look cute like that…. And I would love to explore this further, but it’s getting late… We should leave…”

Spencer cleared his throat, but didn’t trust himself to speak yet. Derek touching him like that caused certain needs to wake up – needs, which he had always denied himself. He actually felt disappointed when Derek let go of him and headed for the doorway. Spencer wanted to pick up his messenger bag, but Derek turned around and shook his head.

“All you need is your gun and your badge, sexy…”

Spencer had wondered about that. Derek had made him wear his gun tonight, though he didn’t know why. “Why is that? Although Alexa and Harper hate me, I highly doubt they will try to kill me.”

Derek opened the front door and gestured for Spencer to join him. “How many times did a killer try to take your life, Spencer? I’m not taking any chances. You attract trouble and we’re not going anywhere unarmed.” His biggest fear was that one day a killer would succeed in taking Spencer’s life and considering the younger man *had* already died once, he was determined to make sure it didn’t happen again for at least sixty more years!

“If you say so,” Spencer said, agreeing. “Though I think it’s unnecessary.”

“I’m not taking any chances where you are concerned, babe…”

Derek’s constant use of those endearments was getting hard to used to. Spencer didn’t want to get used to them in the first place, because starting tomorrow, everything would go back to normal. They would return to work and the endearments would stop.

~~~

“Nervous?” Derek asked, feeling sympathetic. A stranger probably wouldn’t notice Spencer’s small tics that gave him away, but he did.

“Actually, I’m okay…” He had thought he would be more nervous, but so far, he was relatively calm, thanks to Derek’s presence. “I think I can do this.”

“Good… And you don’t need to worry that much… Baby-girl got back to me and Alexa and Harper are no longer the pretty girls they used to be… Just giving you a bit of a warning. Actually, you turned out the best…” Derek removed his seat belt, leaned in closer, and pressed another kiss onto Spencer’s throat. He loved the way it made the younger man blush and Spencer didn’t disappoint him this time around either.

“You should stop doing that… And what do you mean when you say they’re not pretty anymore? That’s hard to imagine…” Derek’s nibbling distracted him, but this time around his other earlobe was getting the treatment.

“Apparently Harper got botoxed and Alexa… let’s say when I looked at her picture her true nature shows in her face…”

Derek’s words made Spencer curious, and fortunately, also less nervous. “Do you really think everything will end well?”

“I’ll make sure it does…” Derek opened the car door and jumped out. “Are you coming along, babe?”

Spencer still wasn’t sure he should, but he couldn’t let Derek walk in there alone and he knew the older man would do just that. So in the end, he left the car and joined Derek. “Now what?”

Derek took Spencer’s hand in his and pulled the younger man closer. “Now we go in there and show them you grew up and did well. No one is going to make fun of you tonight.”

Spencer drew in a deep breath and hoped Derek was right.

```  
Spencer tentatively entered the room. It wasn’t crowded yet, for which he felt grateful. After checking in, he allowed Derek to guide him closer to the bar where they were serving drinks. There was nothing special about the place – it was a normal congress room and he had seen hundreds of them since he had joined the BAU.

“What do you want to drink, babe?” Derek scanned the room in search of potential threats, but although they were attracting looks, nobody appeared to be talking behind their backs – yet.

“Water will do… No alcohol…” Spencer said decisively. Like Derek he scanned the room and cringed at meeting the gaze of the Captain of their former football team. Mark Donalds had been Alexa’s boyfriend at the time, and although Mark had been one of the few kids not laughing at him while they had tied him to the post, he hadn’t helped him either. Spencer’s unease grew and he kept an eye on the doorway in case he needed out.

“Spencer… Is that you?”

Derek easily picked up on his friend’s discomfort and closed ranks, standing next to Spencer and demonstratively wrapping an arm around the younger man’s waist. If this stranger was up to no good, he would step it and stop it.

“Yes, it is… I haven’t changed much if you recognize me that easily.” It only served to make him feel like a victim again. Why couldn’t Mark leave him alone?

“Actually, you don’t… You changed quite a bit, but the eyes are still the same.”

Derek continued to watch the scene carefully, but didn’t interfere yet. Spencer moved against him as his unease needed a way out. 

“To be honest, I’m glad you’re here, Spencer…” Mark said softly, growing ill at ease as well. “There’s something I wanted to tell you for years, but since we lost touch I never got the chance to do so.”

“Easy,” Derek whispered into his friend’s ear. “Hear him out,.”

Spencer didn’t want to find out what Mark wanted to share. It would probably mean reliving some humiliation from the past.

“I want to apologize for the way I acted back then,” Mark said, obviously finding it hard to maintain eye-contact with Spencer, as his eyes moved restlessly in their sockets. “I should have done something, but I was a coward… I didn’t….”

Spencer frowned, coughed nervously, and tried to make sense of what Mark was saying. “Excuse me?” Involuntarily he moved even closer to Derek. 

“Alexa had no right to humiliate you like that… I knew it, but didn’t do anything about it. I should have stopped her… I should have cut you lose after everyone had left, but Alexa stuck around and I couldn’t think of an excuse to get away from her.”

“She was your girlfriend at the time,” Spencer recalled. 

“Yeah, but not for long. I called it quits the next day … She was mad as hell, but I couldn’t be someone that nasty… Picking on the little guys is one thing, but what she did… She went overboard with that.”

Derek was glad they had come because now Spencer could hear this. Maybe it would help him deal with that incident. He hoped though that Spencer fully understood what Mark was saying; his friend could be a bit dense at times.

Mark offered Spencer his hand. “I’m really sorry about the way I acted back then.”

Spencer stared at the offered limb and didn’t know what to do. His first reaction had been to deny Mark, but that wouldn’t have felt right. He wasn’t that kind of person. Deep down he had always wanted to be friends with everyone and to just get along with the crowd. Mark started to retract his arm, but then Spencer took it and shook it. “I forgive you…” Forgiving was in his nature, no matter how much he tried to deny that, he wouldn’t have peace of mind otherwise. 

“What caused the change of heart?” Derek asked, feeling curious.

Mark squeezed Spencer’s hand slightly before letting go. He removed something from his pocket and showed it to the two men. “That’s my son. His name is Timothy.”

Spencer looked at the picture and saw a small boy, slender, and wearing glasses. Not quite a miniature of him, but appearance wise it came close.

“Unfortunately he gets bullied at school. He didn’t tell me at first and I had no idea it was happening. I should have known better though – looking like that he’s an easy target.”

“I understand…” Spencer really did. Having a son who got bullied would have changed Mark’s perspective.

“We’re working on making him stronger. We’re both attending judo classes so he can kick their asses if necessary… and we spend more time together than before. These days he tells me what’s happening.”

“Timothy is very fortunate to have a father like you,” Spencer said and when he smiled at Mark it was genuine. 

“Sorry, I kind of ignored you…. I’m Mark…” he said, addressing Derek.

“Derek Morgan, I’m Spencer’s partner…” Boyfriend did sound right and lover didn’t seem appropriate. 

“Ah, so Alexa was right about you being gay…” Mark observed, “Which is fine with me. My brother Anthony’s gay too.”

Spencer found it hard to believe he was accepted so easily. Things had been different in the past. “So what do you do these days?” he asked, trying to make conversation while closely watching his former classmates which were moving around them. So far, no one else was addressing him, which suited him perfect. 

“Actually I’m studying these days! Hard to believe isn’t it? I always thought I would become a famous athlete, but it turned out my heart wasn’t in it. Hopefully, I’ll be a lawyer in two years…”

Spencer liked Mark more the longer they talked. “I’m still studying too.” He was about to explain his future plans when a woman entered the room. Oddly, she was alone. She seemed familiar, but then again, she didn’t. He frowned, searching his brain for the answer.

“Ah, Harper arrived…” Mark commented upon seeing the woman. “She did herself no favor with that plastic surgery. I always thought her beautiful in the past, but these days she looks awful. I’ll never understand the attraction about botox, fillers, and that other stuff…” 

“That’s Harper?” Spencer asked as he couldn’t believe it was really her. The face had an awkward shape. It appeared as if she could no longer close her eyes and her lips were gigantic. Her cheekbones were no longer visible, having been stuffed with fillers. “But that’s awful!”

Derek couldn’t help it and chuckled. “She might have been pretty once, but these days… That’s a different matter all together.” Derek had finished his water and wanted to get them another drink. “Anything you want from the bar?” he asked as he picked up Spencer’s glass.

“Find out if they have coffee, will you? And two tablespoons of sugar will do.” Spencer couldn’t stop staring at Harper’s contorted face. “Makes one wonder if she’s still capable of speech.” Could she still use her facial muscles that way? She hadn’t seen him yet – fortunately – and was heading for the bar. Spencer cringed upon seeing Derek standing there, getting their orders. 

“How faithful is that boyfriend of yours?” Mark asked in a voice which showed doubt.

Excellent question, especially considering they weren’t together in the first place. Spencer however highly doubted that Harper was Derek’s type. 

“Hello there, handsome…” 

Derek blinked; there was only one person he wanted to address him in that manner and that definitely wasn’t Spencer’s voice. Looking to his right, he stared right at Harper, whom he recognized from the picture Penelope had sent him. His eyes almost bulged from their sockets upon seeing the tight-fitting dress she was wearing with her décolleté almost escaping the thin fabric. Those weren’t natural breasts – he had some experience in that department. She had had them enlarged, but the surgeon who had performed that operation hadn’t been good at his job. “Sorry, not interested…” 

Harper continued to stare at him and Derek realized she didn’t have much flexibility in her face left. Even if she had wanted to arch an eyebrow at hearing that, she wouldn’t have been able to. “I’m here with my boyfriend,” he said, and didn’t feel one bit guilty. “Try your luck somewhere else…” He added two tablespoons of sugar to Spencer’s coffee and turned around.

“Guess he’s the faithful kind,” Mark commented and smiled.

“Here you are, babe… two tablespoons of sugar, just the way you like it.” Derek handed Spencer his mug and wrapped his arm around the younger man’s waist again, obviously staking his claim for everyone who cared to notice. Harper noticed though and stalked toward them.

“Here comes Cruella…” Mark whispered, but Spencer noticed the amused tone. 

“Baby, you can’t seriously proclaim that you would choose a guy over all this,” Harper said, gesturing at her chest area.

“Oh, I’m sure… I’m not very big on silicone…” Derek wondered how long it would take Harper to recognize Spencer. At the moment though the woman’s focus was solely on him. 

Spencer managed to keep himself from chuckling, but not doing so was difficult. Harper no longer intimidated him, which surprised him. Was that due to Derek’s presence or was he beginning to realize that Harper was no longer a threat? Derek had been right, he reckoned. He had changed; he was no longer that fourteen year old boy. 

Harper finally shifted her focus away from Derek and toward Spencer. She stared at him, and although the facial expression didn’t change, the emotion in her eyes did. “Spencer Reid?”

Spencer nodded. “In the flesh…”

Harper’s gaze shifted back to Derek again. “Are you really telling me that a hunk like you hooked up with a nerd like him?”

Surprisingly enough, the words did no damage… They seemed to glide right off of him and Spencer managed a genuine smile. “Derek happens to like nerds.”

“This nerd in particular…” Derek replied, happy to see Spencer growing more confident. Leaning in closer, he moved his hand away from the small of Spencer’s back to the nape of his neck. Bringing Spencer in closer, he sought out those sensual lips and finally kissed them. 

Stunned, Spencer followed Derek’s lead. He knew he couldn’t pull away, not if he wanted to keep the illusion intact, but the fact that Derek was actually kissing him in that way made him lightheaded. His toes curled, and helplessly, he sighed into the other man’s mouth. When Derek finally released him, Spencer felt a bit disappointed.

Derek smiled at seeing the grin plastered to Spencer’s face. If the younger man looked like that after a rather chaste kiss, he wondered what would happen if they had ever sex! Spencer looked extremely pleased with himself and the happiness in those eyes was something Derek had seldom seen before. If it were up to him, he would make sure that expression stayed there. Rubbing Spencer’s neck, Derek turned to see what Harper’s reaction was like, but to his surprise, she was no longer in sight.

“She marched off,” Mark said, chuckling. “I never saw her that pissed off before…”

“Can’t believe I was scared to attend…” Spencer moistened his lips, still tasting Derek on them. “Thanks for making me come here…” That kiss alone was worth attending this reunion. Mark’s apology and pissing off Harper were bonuses he had could have done without. 

“Well, well… Mark…making new friends because your old ones no longer want anything to do with you?”

Spencer froze upon hearing that voice and Derek noticed it. “It’s fine… “ he whispered into the younger man’s ear. “Remember, you have nothing to fear and I’m not leaving you alone with her.”

“I like my new friends better,” Mark stated and looked his former girlfriend in the eye.

Spencer swallowed hard upon looking at Alexa Lisbon for the first time after all those years. If he hadn’t heard her voice, he wouldn’t have recognized her. She wasn’t just thin – she looked like a skeleton. Bones showed beneath her skin, and her once luscious blond hair now hang limply in fatty strands down her face. Spencer stared at her disbelief. What had happened to her? She had once been the prettiest girl in school! He had made a fool out of himself – repeatedly – in the hope that she would notice him. But the woman standing in front of him now was a ghost. Did she suffer from anorexia? Was she ill? 

“Fine,” Alexa said in a voice that dripped with bitterness. “Then stay with them!”

Spencer tore his gaze away from her and looked to Derek for an explanation, but the older man signaled that he would tell him later. Alexa glared at him in utter loathing and then turned around, heading for Harper, who was drinking wine at the bar. 

“What happened to her?” Spencer asked once she was out of hearing range.

“Apparently her husband left her about a year ago. Until then, she had everything she had ever wanted – the good life, an expensive house, several cars, a handsome, rich business man at her side… But something went wrong. He left her and she ended up with nothing… She met him before she finished university and decided to drop out.”

Even though he had hated Alexa for years, Spencer couldn’t help but pity her. Alexa had been prom queen, had been selected most likely to succeed, and had always been able to get the guy she had wanted to be with. But somewhere down the road she had stumbled and she was still on her way down – it was a long drop, 

Derek was still rubbing his skin and now that he grew aware of the sensation, Spencer wondered about it. Maybe Derek was merely keeping up appearances, but still… Derek didn’t have to touch, or kiss, him like that. “Do you want to stay or can we leave?” Spencer didn’t want to stay – he wanted to get away from Alexa and Harper, but for different reasons than he had thought he would. He didn’t want to witness their ongoing misery. 

“We can go…” Derek understood why Spencer wanted to leave and had no problems with that.

“It was nice talking to you again, Spencer… Here, just in case…” Mark handed Spencer his card. “Maybe we can start over again?”

“I’ll give you a call,” Spencer replied. He would, but not within the next few days. He had a lot to think about first.

```

Derek decided against driving to Reid’s apartment right away. Instead, he sought out a nice little Italian restaurant and parked the car. 

“What are we doing here?” Spencer blinked, confused.

“We haven’t had dinner yet and I can’t survive on water and coffee… I need food and so do you.” Derek killed the engine, opened the car door, and gestured for Spencer to do the same. Once the younger man had joined him, they made their way over to the restaurant. 

Since Derek knew the owner, they got a nice little table in the back, providing them with privacy. Ignoring Spencer’s disapproving look, he ordered a bottle of red wine for both of them. While studying the menu, he peeked at Spencer, who looked relaxed. “The evening went well, don’t you think?”

“For us…yes.” Spencer drew in a deep breath. “Looks like life didn’t treat Alexa and Harper well though.”

“Now if you believe in karma, then you could say they got what they deserved… and so did you…” Derek closed the menu and expected Spencer to look at him questioningly, which the younger man promptly did.

“What do you mean by that? Why did I get what I deserved too?”

“Think about it, babe… You got the best friends you could wish for… which are also your co-workers… Baby-girl has been texting me since last night… Wanting to know if you were fine and attending that reunion… You can count on her keeping the rest updated… Your mother’s great… Even though she has some quirks, which you have too, but I happen to like those…”

Spencer’s lips twisted in a half smile and he quickly looked at his menu. “You’re right about that… “ He couldn’t argue with that observation. Maybe life wasn’t too bad and he had turned out better than he had thought. At least he was no longer afraid of Harper Hillman and Alexa Lisbon. Plus, Derek had kissed him… That had been the best thing about the reunion. Just recalling that kiss made him feel happy again.

“I see I need to spell it out to you after all… You don’t do subtle, do you?”

Derek’s words made him make eye-contact again. “What are you talking about?”

“About this…” Derek reached for Spencer’s hand, pulled it close, and pressed a kiss onto the long fingers. Apparently the signals he had been sending weren’t working and he had to address the matter head on. “Spencer… I’m attracted to you… Have been for quite a while and I was rather hoping you would pick up on it.”

Spencer’s eyes widened and he stopped breathing momentarily. “What?” he squeaked. 

Derek pressed another kiss on the back of Spencer’s hand. “I’m in love with you… Have been for some time, but I didn’t want to jinx it and was waiting for you to give me some sort of signal in turn. But then I realized you had no idea what was going on, and when Emily asked me if I would accompany you to that reunion as your boyfriend, I knew it might work…”

“Let me get this right – you are in love with *me*?” Spencer didn’t know what to make of that. “You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”

“I’m not…” Derek shifted his chair closer to Spencer’s, leaned in closer, and kissed him again. “I’m not lying,” he whispered in between kisses. “And I’m more than willing to prove that to you… if only you’d let me…”

Spencer closed his eyes and savored the kiss with every cell of his being. He had a hard time believing Derek’s declaration of love, but he liked the kissing part. Derek was close – very close – and he couldn’t look away. The older man’s gaze held him captive. “I don’t know what to say,” he admitted in the end.

“I actually rendered you speechless? The famous doctor Reid?”

“I’m not famous,” he chuckled, feeling oddly happy. Derek’s fingers, still wrapped around his, rubbed his skin and the sensation made him feel dizzy. He hadn’t thought it possible that anyone could have such an effect on him. 

“Spencer… talk to me?” Derek wasn’t sure what to make of the younger man’s reaction. Yes, he was an excellent profiler, but at the moment, Spencer was impossible to read.

“I don’t understand how you could possibly love me…” Spencer sad slowly, thoughtfully. “But I do love the way you make me feel… The way you hold me and… kiss me… I don’t know why you’re doing those things, but I’m not complaining… If anything, I want more of it… But that’s rather selfish, isn’t it?”

“We’ll give it time… This is new to you… And you always had a hard time figuring out your feelings. Don’t think I didn’t notice…” Derek smiled warmly and fingered a strand of Spencer’s hair. “We’ll go slow…Let’s date for a while… Get you comfortable with the idea of having a boyfriend…”

He would love to have a boyfriend and Derek would be perfect, but Spencer was afraid the other man would realize his mistake and then he would get burned again. He didn’t want to get burned… 

“Give us a fair shot, Spencer… I have this feeling we will work out… Give me a chance, will you?” 

Spencer thought about it, nodded, and moistened his lips. “Maybe you should kiss me instead…” Maybe that would help him fight his self-doubt.

“That’s a good idea, Einstein…” Derek rested the palm of his hand against Spencer’s face and brought him in for another kiss. “If it were up to me, we’re doing this the entire evening…”

Spencer forgot about worrying who might see them kiss. He forgot about his doubts and fears because the kiss made those things irrelevant. The only thing that mattered right now was Derek kissing him and being in those strong arms. If he had thought that life had been good to him, it had just gotten better!

The end.


End file.
